"I just got dumped", is something that we have all heard and said at some point in our lives. When you are the one who just got dumped, it is shocking, scary, sad, and infuriating all at the same time. There is nothing that I know of that will make us take an emotional spiral like a break up. No matter how bad the relationship was, we still have that ego flare-up. We decide that we absolutely cannot live without that person, we idealize the past and only see the good points. We just forget the fact that the relationship was not working and we were not happy in it. We also always forget that there have been signs leading up to this moment. We just focus on the fact that we just got dumped.
One of the things to remember if you are the one who just got dumped is that, like when someone dies, you have to experience the five stages of grief. Those are:
1. Denial and isolation
The first thing we do is tell ourselves and everyone else, "This is not happening. He/she will come to their senses.". We lock ourselves in our rooms and listen to sad songs, watch sad movies, call our best friends and cry into the phone. We also tend to eat a lot or nothing at all. We do one extreme or the other. The next step is we just get mad. We start blaming everyone and everything for the fact that we just got dumped. We get really mad at the person who just left us. Then the bargaining starts. You vow to change this and that. That is the part that makes my teeth clench. I never understand why people will want to change who they are at the core to make another person happy. If that person can't love you for you exactly as you are, do you really want them around? Then we spiral into depression when we realize that this is not going to work. We mope around the house. If our friends do manage to get us out, we dampen the whole evening with our sour mood. Our eating and sleeping patterns change. The final stage is when we finally realize that this is over, and that it really is for the best. We let go of any hope for reconciliation, we turn our eyes towards the future and we finally get up. We put the ice cream up, take a shower, get a hair cut, and call someone to go out and play. If you just got dumped, please understand that this is all necessary to your healing. You cannot rush this healing process and you cannot stop these phases from happening.
If you just got dumped, please know it is never easy for anyone. It can, however, open up a doorway for us to get to where we say we want to go or be. It can move us into the life we want to lead and into the relationship we say we want to have in our lives. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process. Be kind and loving to yourself. Avoid slipping into self-hatred. Remember that grief always subsides. It may never fully leave, but it will stop being this strong and ease up over time. You will survive this. Breathe and allow time for healing.